Job Descriptions

A bunch of ladies that I regularly converse with via t'internet have been having a discussion about being a SAHM (stay at home mum).

So here's my take on my own personal job description for being such a SAHM:

SAHM - full time (24hrs x 7 days) carer, cleaner, cook, laundrywoman, dishwasher filler and emptier, pet carer, rugby coach, ballet practice partner (badly), nappy changer, linen changer, bin emptier, nurse, teacher, agony aunt, chauffeur, singer of songs, player of games, mediator of arguments, picker upper of various single socks lying about the place minus their twin, toilet scrubber, toothbrush from dog's mouth rescuer, answer machine as no one else hears the phone ringing, furniture mover (to hoover all the crap out from under the table/chairs/sofas/beds), expert sewer (see sub section in contract about last minute Sunday evening hem repairs), world record holding speed sandwich maker, towels from floor picker-upper, extractor of dvds/cds/childrens toys from dogs mouths, toilet roll changer, emergency fringe cutter.

Pay: Non negotiable and not much

Holiday Entitlement: Zero, unless it's to go abroad/in the UK with family and repeat all such duties as above (if holiday is taken without children in tow, spend entire time away from them worrying about whether or not they're ok, eating well, sleeping etc.)

Perks/Benefits: Giver and receiver of kisses and cuddles, inhaler of sleepy baby smell first thing in the morning/just after bathtime smells

Social Benefits: few and far between. Various toddler/family groups/music groups/tumble tots etc. attended. Arrive with good intentions but invariably revert to slagging off other half for being a lazy bas*ard and coming home paranoid because your child is not reciting his ABCs and 123s IN FRENCH like little Luca who's mother is impeccably dressed, walked 1.5miles to group because it's better for the environment and looks like she didn't put on a single pound whilst pregnant and whose French nanny is at home cooking Coq Au Vin.

Various Girls Nights Out allowed, maybe once or twice a year (NOT to be taken as holidays nor the day after because of self inflicted hangover). See point above re. good intentions.